#OffStripVegas
Day 1
On plane to Vegas for lamest trip ever (9 miles off strip for bingo tournament with my mother), but plan is to crush some poker cash games.
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Crying baby alert. One row over. Super short flight FTW. #RunBadEarly
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Designating hashtag #OffStripVegas to this exciting journey. Suncoast Casino. Stay tuned for updates on locals & bingo. #HowToLoseFollowers
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Safely landed in Vegas, so close to the strip you can see it glowing!… but we're not here for that fun & excitement. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Taxi fare from airport to Suncoast Casino w/ no traffic, before tip = $59.10. So Strip visit out of the question! #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Beautiful view of the Strip! That tiny red dot out there is the Rio… which isn't quite on the Strip. #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/aQD6ZyBtU5
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Cab driver had Kill Bill Whistle as ring tone. 1. Awesome, 2. Will have stuck in head for whole trip: http://t.co/5wN4q6XO3b #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Order a Diet Coke, brought a Diet Pepsi. We don't ask "is Pepsi fine?" here in #OffStripVegas.
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
15.99 for this gourmet porterhouse, potato and vegetable dish! Rare = Medium Well. #FineDining #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/Cr5wDOrd0d
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
"I'd steer clear of the prime rib at this hour. Its been in the broiler ALL day" – honest (and awesome) waitress. #FineDining #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
15-minute wait for bill ends when bill comes with pen that's out of ink. "Be sure to write clearly" she says. How? #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Had $21 on ticket, so to even it out before cashing put $1 on 16, the number I spiked last trip. Bink. #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/KBoYhRScTL
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Looking for some exciting poker action? Not even midnight yet, and we are down to one table: 2-4 Limit Holdem. Hard. Core. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Down $100, sit down w/ $100 at blackjack. 0 wins, 1 push, 7 losses. Dealer 19 or better all 8 w/ 2 BJs. Down $200. Super fun. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Epic 3-hr heads up battle w/ drunk old-timer in 2-4 limit. He lost whole $100 stack, but I was only +$1; dealer tips add up. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
To clarify last post, drunk old-timer tipped ~$2 every hand he won. Even when pot was only $4. THAT adds up. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Day 2
@jeffplatt Any hoops spots jump out at you good sir? #PublicPlatt
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Let's go with Utah +7.5 RT @DavesDime: @jeffplatt Any hoops spots jump out at you good sir? #PublicPlatt
— Jeff Platt (@jeffplatt) December 2, 2013
Sportsbook hands out these miniature pens. Why spring for a BIC when you can use these babies? #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/QiDTnOYx46
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Now the moment you've all been waiting for; Day 1 of the Suncoast $500K #Bingo Tournament! Yaaaaaaay. #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/MQNGkjfWRh
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Girl to my left is pretty hot. Correction, may* have been pretty hot back in 1939. #Bingo #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
No camaraderie in here. Huge groan when someone else wins is fair, but I don't like lack of applause afterward. #IClap #Bingo #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
So for as extraordinarily lame as #Bingo is, next 20 games are worth minimum of $5,000 each. Could be new favorite game soon. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
After 3 games of 20, I gave my mom my card and am playing solitaire on the #Bingo Computer. Because solitaire is more fun. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
No luck at Bingo yet, but on the bright side, at least I've won something today! #SolitaireInVegas #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/pbaxLohfi6
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Old lady fight breaks out at Suncoast. Yelling and clawing. Security escorts one of the old ladies away. Too awesome. #Bingo #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
FINALLY got a sweat one number away from #Bingo, but couldn't bink it. All @jeffplatt and I ever ask for is the sweat. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
#OldLadyFight Update: mean old lady that started it returns and apologizes. Old ladies seem to have made up. Happy ending. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Thinking #OldLadyFight apology might have been ruse so mean old lady could get back to bingo. Will keep eye out during break. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Best development ever in #OldLadyFight saga. Mean old lady wearing a T-shirt that reads: "Peace. Love. Bingo." 1/3 ain't bad. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
Used break to grab algebra textbook. For fun. Because studying = more fun than bingo. Yes, really. #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/9pYb0KkZh6
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
"Bingo Buddy". Broken hashtag. Love you mom. "@irisconzie: @DavesDime let's go bingo buddy!! We can do this #bingo off strip" #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
The only thing worse than #Bingo is #Bingo with no sweats. Since break, not even close. Poor Mom is getting discouraged. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 2, 2013
31 #Bingo games, 0 wins. 2 sweats. That was about as useful as a poopy flavored lollypop. Least I wasn't losing $ elsewhere? #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
"Slots are more loose off the strip", huh? Could have fooled me. #LosingAtEverythingButSolitaire #SolitaireDoesntPay #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Machine hits. "Damnit, I was just on that one for 20 minutes!" "Sorry Bill!" Fellas, its on a random number gene- never mind. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Suncoast Buffet has tons of mirrors, maybe to make you feel fat to dissuade you from eating more? Food dissuades on its own. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Going to try to smash the locals at their own game! Hopping into the $65 LIMIT OMAHA 8 OR BETTER tourney! #LETSGOOOO(?) #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Omaha Hi-Lo Tourney cancelled… only 2 registered. Spreading 2-4 Limit Hold'em & 2-4 Limit Stud. No NLH or PLO 'round here. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Casino Checklist: Movie theater? Check. 64-lane bowling alley? Check. Poker game for Under 50s? …go watch The Hunger Games. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Lovely old lady in elevator with me says: "It seems like everyone here is having such a wonderful time." Can't make this up. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Went down to sportsbook to see if I could hedge off my Kings/Blues total. Asked if they had 2nd period lines. Stupid to ask. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
So we let it ride: Total Over 5 Goals, Down $25 on sports bets today. Total Under 5 Goals, Up $260. Teensy sweat. #285Swing #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Hooooolllllllddddd this score, #LAKings! 20 minutes away from winning back all of the trip's losses w/ a 0 or 1 goal period. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Blues score w/ 15 seconds left to ruin my huge payday. Argh. Avoid worst-case scenario though, push not lose & #LAKings win! #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Instead of profiting $260, still grab respectable enough payday with a profit of $120 on the day. Thanks again @jeffplatt! #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Mr. @CaseyConlon would be proud: Playing Pai-Gow, picked up 4 aces behind and Kings up top! Thing of beauty. Pai-Gow rules. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
1 AM in Sin City! Clubbing? Hotel jumping? Drinking? Good for you, #OnStripVegas. I'm sober & playing keno. With my mother. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Haven't been ID'd once all trip. Suncoast probably hoping to have gambling licence revoked; chance to be put out of misery. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
To be fair, hotel is DECENT, despite horrid location. Stay at the rotting cesspool that is THE QUAD, & you'll be praying for #OffStripVegas.
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Smokers try to blow smoke away from woman in motorized wheelchair & oxygen mask… until she takes off mask to have a smoke. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Day 3
@jeffplatt That one is scary! But in #PublicPlatt we trust!
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Day 2 of the $500K Bingo Tourney! And by "!", I mean "Nooooooooooooooooooooooo" #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/GDbfyVPIpo
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Mean old lady from #OldLadyFight wearing green cardigan for Day 2, which I presume is equivalent of Tiger's red on Sunday. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
$22 each on: Heat -10 (I'm a square), Kings +6.5 (Per #PublicPlatt), Wisc-Milwaukee +2 (Picked at random), Blackhawks +150. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Started a cards off 3 for 3! Then nothing. Because Bingo sucks. 2 days of soul crushing boredom for $0 or $5000+. Big swing. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
#Bingo controversy! Player calls bingo one number too late, misses out on $5000 payday. I would be on the biggest tilt ever. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Brutal, mom actually had a pretty good sweat for $10,000. 1 number away for five pulls. Couldn't spike it. Now she's sad. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
Just heard that my Dad is jealous that Mom and I are in "Vegas". Funny, I'm jealous of him that he's NOT here playing Bingo. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 3, 2013
"Well, we didn't win anything, but at least we had fun!" said no one under 60 after playing Bingo, ever. #TheWorst #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Guy finishes peeing, makes eye contact with me in mirror as I'm washing hands, strolls out. Not washing, & not ashamed of it. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
For 4th straight elevator ride up I get a friendly old lady. Prefer The Strip's eye candy, but nice old ladies are cool too. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Bet on Miami -10 based on opinion, they lose by 10. Bet on Wisconsin-Milwaukee at total random, they win by 11. Random FTW. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Can confirm Suncoast buffet was not having off night last night; it is consistently awful. See now why we got 4 free entries. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
I just might move out here. Morale boost to be the youngest and thinnest guy in the room; not familiar territory for me! #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Late registered into $65 NL Hold'em tournament. Structure is awful, but I've gotta play no-limit at SOME point on this trip. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Into break as chip leader. One table tourney (lol). Flush over flush, started w/ 8K, up to 22K. Gotta win the Suncoast Title! #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Payouts posted: $275 to 1st, $165 to 2nd, $110 to 3rd. Down to 7 here at the "Final Table". 28,000 w/ blinds up to 300/600. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Finished in 3rd for $110 ($45 profit). Lost big all-in AJ < A7 on AA7 flop, then A10 < 89ss. Try to run up at 2-4 limit? #No #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
And #PublicPlatt strikes again! Kings +6.5 a winner. @jeffplatt; blind squirrel or genius? Either way, #WINNER. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Want a serene place to read a book? Meditate? Parks are too noisy… try the casino at night. Old-timers are deep in slumber. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Guy who hit Bingo twice earlier (~$7,500) playing 9pm & 11pm sessions. Dude, you won! Get out of here! Live life! Have fun! #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Being a good son & supporting mom in her stupid hobby of bingo… but again, I'm in LAS VEGAS playing SOLITAIRE at MIDNIGHT. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Suncoast was PUMPING depressing country music in the casino. Because I need to be reminded to be depressed 9 miles off Strip. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
On life tilt from Bingo & Country Music, start playing slots angrily. Down $90, spike a $119 bonus! #OffStripVegas pic.twitter.com/TrrzhL2YLM
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Final Day
Food and poker room were terrible, but overall, Suncoast Casino was nice; minus the clientele (old) & the location (far). #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
If it were on the Strip, I'd stay here. They could tear down that Bingo Hall & make it a nightclub. Call it "Sundown". Sexy. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"Did you order 2 cups of soup?" Us: No. She goes to next table. "Did you order 2 cups of soup?" She'll find it eventually. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Shuttle Driver informs us that Suncoast is TWELVE miles off strip & TWENTY miles from airport. #OffStripVegas? More like #FaaarOffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
As the nightmare comes to an end, let me share a few final updates from the #OffStripVegas saga cutting room floor.
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Wanted to try steakhouse for dinner, but it is dark on Tuesdays. Performers having a dark night makes sense, but steakhouses? #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Cocktail waitress minor leagues. Some of these lovely girls will make the pros (The Strip)… others, career minor leaguers. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Washed hands rigorously for 10 mins to remove #Bingo return stamps. Must destroy any evidence & reminder of the horror. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Gift shop closed after midnight. What use would anyone ever have for a drink, snack, or booze after "bed time" in Las Vegas? #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Final bingo session of the night, & of the trip, ends at midnight. Free!! So this is what it feels like to get out of prison. #OffStripVegas
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Suncoast shuttle driver whips out cell phone & is having argument. While driving. Last #OffStripVegas update? Might be last update period.
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Safely at the airport, the #OffStripVegas saga has officially come to a close. Thank you all for your support during those troubled times.
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Alright, let's celebrate my return to Los Angeles with a few #SkyMallHighlights quick hits!
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"Solution to anxiety"? I feel like going out in public in one of these would CREATE anxiety. #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/qbpeiOVjQg
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Why spend $329.00 and get free shipping on Amazon when you can pay $469.99 and pay shipping? #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/GNdceFSAeb
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
These things just creep me out. I love my teams and all, but there are other ways to show it. #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/RaEU9UmPgu
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"Oh crap, I lost my phone!… and my drivers license, credit cards, cash, etc. etc." #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/PDpQhlX4fD
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"I love Smurfette! Def want to decapitate her every time I brush my teeth!" #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/inQGOLSQrk
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"Occupied." #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/Oyr3ozhno8
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"This is Major Tom to ground control! I'm stepping through the door…" #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/J8iCvM9z3j
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 5, 2013
"I'm sorry, you spent how much on this glorified pillow?" #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/Vkh806glfe
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
For those of you that think the band is the best part of the watch, this is the watch for you! #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/SFvE66csPh
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Spanx… for men? If any of you were having trouble Christmas shopping for me… #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/7Dmf6KO6xH
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
"Protect what's important", like fresh cookies from your stupid little daughter. #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/HV1tQUN5tC
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
Last 1: Because when I see a cute little squirrel, I think "I should kill & mount the little guy!" #SkyMallHighlights pic.twitter.com/D7IDGTdo6t
— Dave Consolazio (@DavesDime) December 4, 2013
